Really?

{ March 13, 2008 @ 5:47 pm } · { News and Humor }
{ } · { Comments (2) }

An actual news report today:

  A 35-year-old woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for so long that
her body was stuck to the seat by the time he called police had a
phobia about leaving the bathroom, the boyfriend said.
"She is an adult; she made her own decision," said her boyfriend,
Kory McFarren. "I should have gotten help for her sooner; I admit that.
But after a while, you kind of get used to it."
The case drew nationwide attention after Ness County Sheriff Bryan
Whipple said it appeared the Ness City woman's skin had grown around
the seat in the two years she apparently was in the bathroom.
"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with
her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

Yes, a 36 woman had to be physically removed from her boyfriend’s toilet after 2 years. People… I’m not sure how to react to this one. I laughed so hard that I couldn’t continue reading the article for a few minutes. I had to step out of the room and wipe the tears from my eyes with my shirt before choking down laugh after laugh just to reach the end of the page.

It turns out the woman developed a phobia of leaving the bathroom over time. She had been abused as a child and somehow developed the idea that her boyfriend’s bathroom was a safe place for her. I feel bad for this woman and her childhood, but I still think this is a bit ridiculous.

Her boyfriend didn’t notify anyone at all about his girlfriend’s dilemma for two years! Not until she seemed delirious one day like she “didn’t know what was going on.”

Really? It took 2 years of squatting on the toilet for her to seem a little oblivious to certain aspects of the situation? This guy either needs to be inducted into the Procrastination Hall of Fame for putting this one off for 2 damn years, or a helmet to protect his fragile little head from those awfully hard walls he must walk into daily.

Either way, I think everyone can agree on one little piece of advice for all the boyfriends out there:

If you’re girlfriend is on the toilet for more than a day… she MIGHT be a little “delirious”.

-Landon

Welcome

{ March 13, 2008 @ 2:48 pm } · { Uncategorized }
{ Tags: } · { Leave a Comment }

Hey, brats!

Thanks for finding this blog and (I assume) reading this post to hopefully find out exactly what this is all about. Well, one thing I can tell you is that I can’t tell you. Partially because I, myself, still do not know… and, well, that’s the only reason.

I just created this blog and I am still deciding if I should find some sort of theme to go along with it and keep it on track… or if I should just wing it and talk about whatever I feel like saying at the time. Either way, I hope to find a way to keep all you reader(s) (depending on if this is a success at some rate, or a miserable waste of server space) interested.

Now, I know how hard it can be to find a page that keeps you wanting to read on. I mean, I’ve been through the whole “What the hell is this bastard talking about!? I don’t want to read a whole post about the ‘fancy new sweater’ you bought for your tiny little muskrat of a dog!” And the last thing I want is to run you off that way… So if I ever post anything that you feel just isn’t something that should be on a respectable page, feel free to disrespect me. Tell me exactly what you don’t want to read and where I should shove it. I’m a big boy, I can take all the typed aggression you can dish out.

I’ve been told that I can come across as somewhat of an asshole in posts like this one, so I just want to apologize in advance to anyone that I may offend right here and now:

I am sincerely sorry that you cannot take a joke.

I mean, I thought I was a pretty nice guy. Sure I like to joke and kid, but it’s all in good fun, folks. I’m not always quite this forward, but how else am I going to get you to read the next thing I post? Would you prefer “Welcome… I’m gonna make this interesting if I can… please come back..”? Let me know. I’d love to hear your answers.

Email me at LandonCole4@gmail.com

I should email you back as quickly as possible, unless you’re just a total dick and I don’t want to.

But seriously, folks. I’m going to try to keep this page going as long as I can, and I hope it works out. And thanks to everyone who took the time to read this or anything else that comes in the future.

-Landon

aka iamity